Importance.

In a previous post I was talking about a debatable Free Will and how others influence most of our lives.
On a similar note, today I would like to share some things I learned about the need to feel important, which is THE ONE motivational factor for most things people chose to do in life.
Everyone is driven by the desire to feel important in the eyes of others, so many of our decisions are directly influenced by this - from the things we chose to wear daily, to the car or house we buy.

Food for thought: if you'd be completely alone on this planet, which things would instantly become unimportant, or at least drop on a very low level?

After acknowledging the power of importance, the next obvious questions are:
- how is this useful to us?
- where and how exactly can we apply this information?
Well, it is a priceless piece of information, as it reveals the proper way to talk to people and how to befriend them.
Asking people about themselves and genuinely being interested in their lives and well-being, makes even the grumpiest ones to open up to you.
Instead of talking about yourself and trying hard to get people interested in you, asking about the other person's thoughts and expectations, has a lot better and quicker results.

And it works everywhere!

Networking in a business environment starts smoother with a smile and a question about the other person's project. No matter how good your project is, praising it from the start will gather less interested people, than talking first with everyone about their own ideas.
Don't start by saying something like: let me show you how good I am. Begin by asking others about their own accomplishments.
It doesn't look like a direct approach, but that's the fun in it: a favor always returns with some extra stuff like relationships, feedback and even new ideas for improvement.
This way we found out that you don't have to work on selling your idea (everyone is already fed up with selling techniques anyway); instead, you give others what they need: a bit of attention and the feeling of importance, and you accomplish incredibly more this way.

At the supermarket, greeting and smiling at a bored cashier can speed up things, change the look on her face and generally increase the quality of the service/treatment you're receiving (be aware..it might also get you a serious punch from your girlfriend :)..).
The cashier doesn't do all these because you were nice to her, but because she feels important to you and doesn't feel anymore like a simple clerk serving the ...god knows what number of customer in that day.

I feel like I jumped in the middle of a subject without covering the basics. Here's something about conversations.
When meeting strangers, many people tend to be passive and wait for the other ones to start a conversation. Unfortunately, this doesn't work most of the time, mainly because the others might expect the same thing, or just they're not that interested in chatting.
As an "ice breaker", a sincere "how are doing today" accompanied by a hand shake, works like a charm, contrary to the simple and sometimes rushed salute: "good morning/evening.."
In an effort to make a change in my relationship with the elderly neighbors of mine, I tried this a couple of days ago: I started asking them about the dog they were walking, or about some trivial things such as weather, health, spring etc.
And now, instead of being cataloged as "that noisy motorcyclist", they put a smile on their faces when they see me (I'm talking about people that didn't have the initiative to salute me in the morning, or hardly answered properly to my salute).
With this occasion I also discovered a misconception of mine: I had this feeling that many old people don't wish or can't have small talks (especially with strangers or youngsters), that they are close minded and bored with life..
How wrong I was, you just have to get them started and then it will be hard to make them stop.
It's obvious they still have the same need as the rest of us, maybe even stronger because with the passing of years they stop being important in their circle: kids grow up and become self-sufficient, connections with other people are lost or diminished, society changes and their knowledge is not useful anymore.

With this post I just scratched the surface about one of the basic human needs. So, feel free to add your own ideas and fill in the gaps.
To anyone interested in the subject, I recommend this book: Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Free Will.

Working schedule over, usual evening at home..but not for long; ..until you hear a knock on the door.
You open it and see a foreigner, a complete stranger...and guess what, you naturally say: "hi there, just come on in".
And after that, what? A real adventure, I tell you.
Both sides work on crossing the language barrier, trying and succeeding most of the time, in deciphering the other person, by simply asking and sharing.

It's a natural process of bonding, learning and acknowledging. Pretty much the exact thing that it is currently being lost - especially in the cities - where people tend to become more indifferent and cold, to the point where minutes in the elevator or in a line, are minutes of embarrassing silence. Only because no one dares to take initiative and start a conversation with "strangers".
Those strangers could very well be possible best friends, nice acquaintances to have, or just a good way of passing time without losing it completely.

Changing the subject a bit: last week I followed a debate about having or not having Free Will.
And the resulting idea was this: while living in communities, our lives are mostly influenced by others and not by personal decisions. Like a surfer waiting for a mighty wave, we do take some decisions of our own, but afterwords we just go with the flow, until we're again able to take another big decision.
For example, we stop searching for a job after we get one; and from that point on, years are then decided by managers, colleagues, society and our fear of leaving the comfort zone.
Same for changing the city we're living in for so long, because we'll have to leave all of our friends and connections.

Who says we won't find other good and interesting people, or that we won't be able to keep in touch with the old ones? Who says there won't be similar or better opportunities?
Actually.., who says all these? Parents and good friends who are understandably afraid for you; friends or acquaintances that are a bit selfish and don't want to see you experience more; TV and media which emphasizes on problems rather than opportunities.

Talking about TV, there is one spot currently playing in Romania which sounds like this "There are many reasons to travel the world. We'll give you 10 strong reasons to stay at home!".
Gosh, it sounds so wrong, especially because many people are influenced by TV.
Sure there can be difficulties, but those are only things to be aware of and not reasons to "stay at home".

To conclude, these two seemingly different subjects are actually complementary: one contains the problem, while the other one gives just one of the many possible solutions - for taking the change in our own capable hands.
Enlarging our horizons and meeting new people doesn't mean we completely get back the free will, but we do increase the chances of receiving new opportunities and having a major change in our lives.

Written by someone just looking through the rabbit whole, still a bit reluctant to take the full plunge :).

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Epiphany - a human reaction.

How come we usually acknowledge the really important things, only when it's too late?
It's not the first time this is proven to me..the hard way; but today an unpleasant event (to say the least) did manage to mark me more than I would have expected.

For now, let's not make this too personal, and talk in general.
Scenario.
We all meet new people all the time. With some, we have some small talk, while with others we connect a little more - have some interesting sharing of thoughts etc. In time, the recollection about most of these people fades away in our memory.

Now, let's say it comes to our attention that one of those smart persons we met and liked (but didn't try enough to know better) might leave forever, far far away to an unreachable area.

Question: what human reaction would surface in this case?
Well, there are a wide range of reactions at such news and I have little interest in analyzing all of them. However, in this particular case I realized that seen from a different perspective, it is no just "someone" leaving, but a possible good friend.
Then it hit me: the problem is that most of the time we loose ourselves in our comfort zone and conveniently forget to work a little - outside of it - for other important things.
It is only then, in the brink of a major change that we realize the passage of time and our inability to recover what has already been lost.